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Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Sorry, I'm not for hire

I’m unemployed. It’s the first time in nine years. I’d been operating a small business in the Chicago Central Business District. Times have gotten tough over the last few years. Although I’ve gained clients, income has decreased. I figure the company has $36,000 less revenue than just a few years ago.

The tax returns seem to show that too. So, although the work has increased, the return has decreased. Early in the year, I decided to pack it all in.

The decision to close was like acknowledging a little death. An idea I’d had was dead. Aspirations are dying all the time in your middle years. I’ll never hike the Yukon. I won’t retire early. Mountain biking? Extensive international travel? Not in this life.

The funny thing about it is, people are asking how I feel. I feel relieved. I felt much the same when my father died a few years ago. Relief that the pain was over for him. It feels over for me. I’ll have to complete the tax forms and unemployment filings for the corporation again this year. It looks as though there are some more checks to cut, but there’s money in the bank.

And, I feel free. People also ask what I’m doing next. Right now, I’m not certain. But, probably more of the same. This time someone else can worry about the tax forms, making payroll and the other problems. I still feel free.

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